A quick review of my weight for the last 33 years...I don't remember being overweight when I was very little. I see pictures of myself and I was a fairly normal sized kiddo. Then puberty started kicking in...and it wasn't recognized that it was puberty because I was sooooo young. However, once those lovely hormones kicked in I started gaining weight. I was an active child...I played tball, softball, basketball, was in gymnastics and baton. I loved to climb trees and be outside. I'd pretend my nap pad was a hurdle and try to jump it in preparation for my future as a track star. I loved to ride my bike for hours at a time. I've always adored swimming so at any opportunity. Once we moved out of town I'd explore and climb through the woods. I eventually started being less and less active...and that didn't help the weight at all.
So key events/weights I recall: 5th grade leaving the clinic having weighed in at 164...and my mom's comment of "well I knew you were big but I didn't realize you were that thick as well." That means in 5th grade my BMI was 28.4 and that's overweight my friends. (I was already the height I am now.)
Between 5th grade and graduation I gained up to 195. So when I graduated high school my BMI was 33.7 and obese but at least only moderately obese.
The first time I got married I was 20 and weighed 222. So my BMI was 38.4 and severely obese.
When I went for my first ob appt with princess I weighed in at 263. BMI of 45.5 and morbidly obese...
When I moved to IA to plan my wedding and start my life with my amazing hubby I weighed in at 254. I'd actually been able to lose some weight by living off of lean cuisine's and hitting the Y for Zumba 5 days a week and weights 3 of those 5. BMI of 43.9 and still morbidly obese.
Earlier this year I hit my all time high of 297 making my BMI 51.4. Well at least it almost matched my waist size...? Seriously that's ridiculous! And yes that means I was yet again morbidly obese...but is there a super morbidly obese category, b/c I should so be in that one.
I'm currently 281 with a BMI of 48.6 so at least I'm below the 50s...still morbidly obese.
Plenty of comments I remember from my life of being overweight:
6th grade from a boy desk mate that I won't name though I remember...and I don't think he was attempting to make me cry myself to sleep that night..."too bad girls can't play football you'd be a great defensive blocker"
Many times over the many years from friends to my face or behind my back "try Jenny Craig" "try weight watchers" "put the fork down" "just walk away from the food."
From middle school through sophomore year I was bulimic. This didn't help me lose weight but it did help me not gain. It helped me feel in control of my life when I felt so out of control in so many other areas.
I'm definitely an emotional eater and that began way back...like 4 or 5. I'd go to my dad's for the weekends and be miserable. One of the perks was going to the grocery store and picking out ice cream. I'd fix a big bowl and then I'd sit and mix the ice cream with a spoon until it was a nice milk shaky texture. It would take hours for me to eat one bowl of ice cream. However, this allowed me to not not interact with my dad or his parents. It helped me escape. I warned my husband when I first met him that if he ever caught me swirling ice cream to rip the bowl away from me and force me to talk.
When my grandmother fell and broke her hip. When she didn't pull through the surgery, when she was in icu and coding, fighting for her life...the time frame was approx 36 hrs...I ate 3 big bags of peanut m&ms...yep that's right...3 of the biggest bags you can buy.
I've begun to recognize my bad behaviors. I'm learning to realize food doesn't offer comfort. I'm learning to accept my emotions and deal with them when they happen...I've got a long way to go both in the lbs I need to lose and in the growing I need to do. I'm excited for my surgery because it will be a huge tool to help me, force me, assist me, encourage me to continue to grow and become healthy and whole.
Through the years I've tried many diets, many work out routines, etc. I would lose just a smidge...but then hit a wall...whether it was emotional or complications from the PCOS I'd give up. With this surgery there is no giving up, it's irreversible! The last therapy session I had I made a casual comment that I've thought about almost constantly since..."PCOS isn't the reason I got to almost 300 lbs. It didn't help, but it's not the only reason." For the first time in my life I quit leaning on that crutch...and over the last month I've repeated that to myself...I believe it. Now I'm starting to embrace it...I am the reason I got to almost 300 lbs...PCOS is only one of the many reasons. It's the one reason I cannot change...but this surgery will help me fight it. Therapy will help me fight myself. God will give me the strength. The love and support of my friends and family will help me stay encouraged to win this battle that I've lost for 33 years. I want to be whole. I want to be healthy. I want to be the lady God created me to be...I want more. I want to give more. I want to be more.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
So NOT the easy way out...
Many years ago I recall making the comment..."oh that's the easy way out." Now I'm a lot more educated and preparing to take that way. I have two more insurance hoops to dive through and then I will be submitted by my surgeon for approval for vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery.
My OB/GYN suggestes bariatric surgery to me 2 visits ago...at the time I looked into it. I learned a lot at that time. BUT I decided that I had never really committed 100% to a weight loss regimen. So I signed up for Weight Watchers. I followed the plan and worked hard for a year...and I lost a whopping 9lbs. Frustration of course sat in and I went back to bad habits. Which led to reaching my all time high of 297 lbs...That's right...I was 3 lbs from 300...I went to my Dr and said HELP! So we tried this med...I took it for 3 weeks at which time my blood pressure got higher and higher but I lost about 15lbs. She wouldn't let me stay on the meds in spite of the weight loss because of the high blood pressure. I've been off the med for over 3 months now and we're still trying to get my blood pressure back to what it was before. During the 3 weeks I was on the med I saw my OB/GYN for my yearly...we talked about many things, my pcos, how we'd been of birth control for over a year and weren't pregnant, how I really wanted to loss weight, how I'd done WW for 1 year and lost 9lbs...she brought up weight loss surgery again. I promised to do more research and seriously consider it. And that brings us to here. In approximately 2 months I'll have 75% of my stomach removed. I've researched all 3 options my insurance covers and through long discussions with my hubby and surgeon feel this is the best option for me.
I hope you'll support me with your prayers and encouragement. I need help, I need a tool. I don't want to die early from cardiac or diabetes complications. I want to have more adorable babies. I want to grow old and gray with my amazing husband! I want to see my baby get married and have her own babies. I want to live a life I've only ever imagined because I've always been over weight. I want to feel in control of my life, health, pcos and fertility!
My OB/GYN suggestes bariatric surgery to me 2 visits ago...at the time I looked into it. I learned a lot at that time. BUT I decided that I had never really committed 100% to a weight loss regimen. So I signed up for Weight Watchers. I followed the plan and worked hard for a year...and I lost a whopping 9lbs. Frustration of course sat in and I went back to bad habits. Which led to reaching my all time high of 297 lbs...That's right...I was 3 lbs from 300...I went to my Dr and said HELP! So we tried this med...I took it for 3 weeks at which time my blood pressure got higher and higher but I lost about 15lbs. She wouldn't let me stay on the meds in spite of the weight loss because of the high blood pressure. I've been off the med for over 3 months now and we're still trying to get my blood pressure back to what it was before. During the 3 weeks I was on the med I saw my OB/GYN for my yearly...we talked about many things, my pcos, how we'd been of birth control for over a year and weren't pregnant, how I really wanted to loss weight, how I'd done WW for 1 year and lost 9lbs...she brought up weight loss surgery again. I promised to do more research and seriously consider it. And that brings us to here. In approximately 2 months I'll have 75% of my stomach removed. I've researched all 3 options my insurance covers and through long discussions with my hubby and surgeon feel this is the best option for me.
I hope you'll support me with your prayers and encouragement. I need help, I need a tool. I don't want to die early from cardiac or diabetes complications. I want to have more adorable babies. I want to grow old and gray with my amazing husband! I want to see my baby get married and have her own babies. I want to live a life I've only ever imagined because I've always been over weight. I want to feel in control of my life, health, pcos and fertility!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
A completed pinterest project!
The beginning...
The our week one...I will occasionally update the upper left with a new verse for our family to focus on. The days are to note princesses activities or any special event we need to remember.
And this one is for our weekly menu. Maybe we'll start cooking more if we plan it out ahead of time?YAY I completed a pinterest project:) Now to convince hubby to hang them:)
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The tutu project begins
Going to look great! I'm very excited...can't wait for the tulle I ordered to arrive...4 to 7 business days is all I have to wait.
My tulle all cut and pretty:)
I'm only a little excited that the project is under way...lol
I've measured out the length I want and doubled it...then I found something that I could cut into that length...now I've wrapped my entire spool around this 36" board to get my 72" length of tulle...I bought the 6" tulle versus the bolt b/c I figure the less cutting I make the less mistakes I can make:)
A new year a new blog...
now hopefully I will update before another year passes:)
I've become a serious pinterest addict...and in that vein I am attempting to be more crafty. Preparations began a week ago and tonight I made the first of many cuts and ties...I'm attempting to make princess a tutu empire waist dress...I will post pics here of my progress thus far...I had 51yds of tulle and that proved to be far less than it will require. So placed a nice fat online order tonight for approximately 600yds of tulle...I'm hoping that will finish this one and make a Valentine's one. We shall see:)
Well I attempted to upload pics, but it's not really working. Any advice? I'd like to pin my photos to my pinterest account...
I've become a serious pinterest addict...and in that vein I am attempting to be more crafty. Preparations began a week ago and tonight I made the first of many cuts and ties...I'm attempting to make princess a tutu empire waist dress...I will post pics here of my progress thus far...I had 51yds of tulle and that proved to be far less than it will require. So placed a nice fat online order tonight for approximately 600yds of tulle...I'm hoping that will finish this one and make a Valentine's one. We shall see:)
Well I attempted to upload pics, but it's not really working. Any advice? I'd like to pin my photos to my pinterest account...
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A change in focus
So I'm really putting effort into WW. There are various reasons for it...a lady not much older than I am dying of a heart attack, finding out I can't skydive at my current weight at many places:(, and a wager my mom made with me.
The lady was sweet and funny! She was outgoing and a mom. She called and told her hubby she wasn't feeling quite right. He urged her to go to the ER. She didn't. She called him later and he called 911. She was dead before they arrived. Now her kids don't have a mom. She wasn't to much older than me...She wasn't heavier than me either...
My mom had a heartattack at 47...I'm not there yet. I don't have the same stress in my life that she was going through. I do however have her genes and am very over weight.
One of the items on my 101 in 1001 is to go skydiving with my husband. We have a place just down the road...Hubby is just within their weight limit at 220. Me I'm not eligible for skydiving. This started me rethinking the weight loss goal I'd but on my 101 in 1001 from 10% to being below 220.
I'm worried about pharmacy school admission interviews b/c of my weight. Because of this and a comment from my ob/gyn about having more babies, I've looked into weight loss surgery. I've talked with my doctor. I've made an appt to attend an information class. I have friends and family who've had various surgeries and seen great success with them.
While waiting for the info class I mentioned to my mom and sister that I'm considering it. My mom is not thrilled with the idea. Honestly, I'm not thrilled with the idea. BUT I've attempted to lose weight in the past and haven't been successful besides about 10%...of course then it comes back on and a little more.
I've been challenged by many different things while waiting on this info class...finding out there's pretty much no way no how my insurance will cover the surgery, time and again being reminded of my past bulimia, being reminded while I don't binge/purge that I never dealt with all the emotions that led me to bulimia in the first place, realizing I need to deal with those issues and my emotional eating before even considering surgery...it would just come back on after the initial loss.
My mom called and offered me a wager...if I lose 100lbs in 14 months she'll treat me and dd to WDW. We'll still need to cover DH's part but hey that's a pretty good deal. And if she does it and I don't then we'll buy her two round trip airline tickets to us or just give her $500. We're currently debating what the punishment will be if neither of use does it.
I had signed up for WW online back in March...I'd been using it to track my weekly weigh ins:) LOL great use of $18 a month right? So this past Thursday I starting logging what I ate...thinking I'll just see how I'm doing. I don't know if it was the seeing it all written out or what but I have stayed OP the last 3 days. Honestly I've struggled to eat all the points my large self needs to eat. I'm working on that. I don't want to get to points by having a candy bar, kwim? But I'm working on it. I thought my weigh in was Saturdays...and weighed...down 0.8. I was happy:) Then couldn't log my weight...realized at some point it had gotten changed to Sundays. So I weighed this morning and I got to log 2.2lbs lost...thrilled I am!
So for now I want to lose at least 100lbs...but am said to say I can probably lose half of myself and not be too skinny...though I haven't weighed that little since elementary school.
Oh and I'm changing my 101 in 1001 from losing 10% to losing 100+lbs...figure even if I don't get the WDW trip there's no reason I can't do it in approx 2 1/2 years(time left on my 101) :)
And for now I'm cancelling my attendance at the information class for the surgery.
The lady was sweet and funny! She was outgoing and a mom. She called and told her hubby she wasn't feeling quite right. He urged her to go to the ER. She didn't. She called him later and he called 911. She was dead before they arrived. Now her kids don't have a mom. She wasn't to much older than me...She wasn't heavier than me either...
My mom had a heartattack at 47...I'm not there yet. I don't have the same stress in my life that she was going through. I do however have her genes and am very over weight.
One of the items on my 101 in 1001 is to go skydiving with my husband. We have a place just down the road...Hubby is just within their weight limit at 220. Me I'm not eligible for skydiving. This started me rethinking the weight loss goal I'd but on my 101 in 1001 from 10% to being below 220.
I'm worried about pharmacy school admission interviews b/c of my weight. Because of this and a comment from my ob/gyn about having more babies, I've looked into weight loss surgery. I've talked with my doctor. I've made an appt to attend an information class. I have friends and family who've had various surgeries and seen great success with them.
While waiting for the info class I mentioned to my mom and sister that I'm considering it. My mom is not thrilled with the idea. Honestly, I'm not thrilled with the idea. BUT I've attempted to lose weight in the past and haven't been successful besides about 10%...of course then it comes back on and a little more.
I've been challenged by many different things while waiting on this info class...finding out there's pretty much no way no how my insurance will cover the surgery, time and again being reminded of my past bulimia, being reminded while I don't binge/purge that I never dealt with all the emotions that led me to bulimia in the first place, realizing I need to deal with those issues and my emotional eating before even considering surgery...it would just come back on after the initial loss.
My mom called and offered me a wager...if I lose 100lbs in 14 months she'll treat me and dd to WDW. We'll still need to cover DH's part but hey that's a pretty good deal. And if she does it and I don't then we'll buy her two round trip airline tickets to us or just give her $500. We're currently debating what the punishment will be if neither of use does it.
I had signed up for WW online back in March...I'd been using it to track my weekly weigh ins:) LOL great use of $18 a month right? So this past Thursday I starting logging what I ate...thinking I'll just see how I'm doing. I don't know if it was the seeing it all written out or what but I have stayed OP the last 3 days. Honestly I've struggled to eat all the points my large self needs to eat. I'm working on that. I don't want to get to points by having a candy bar, kwim? But I'm working on it. I thought my weigh in was Saturdays...and weighed...down 0.8. I was happy:) Then couldn't log my weight...realized at some point it had gotten changed to Sundays. So I weighed this morning and I got to log 2.2lbs lost...thrilled I am!
So for now I want to lose at least 100lbs...but am said to say I can probably lose half of myself and not be too skinny...though I haven't weighed that little since elementary school.
Oh and I'm changing my 101 in 1001 from losing 10% to losing 100+lbs...figure even if I don't get the WDW trip there's no reason I can't do it in approx 2 1/2 years(time left on my 101) :)
And for now I'm cancelling my attendance at the information class for the surgery.
Friday, July 22, 2011
101 and other stuff
So I've finally gotten around to creating a 101 in 1001 and am tracking it here http://dayzeroproject.com/user/sthiessen08
Hmmm, getting that webaddress entered was more difficult than I imagined. I really should learn how to use this blog more effectively.
I'm exhausted but felt like updating so this will be random and stream of consciousness I'm sure.
Our dog passed away this past Sunday. She was an amazing dog...9 years old. Her name was Molly. She was my hubby's first roommate and he'd had her since she was a pup. She developed diabetes and went blind this past winter. We will miss her! But we are glad she's no longer sick. We're going to make her a pretty stepping stone for her marker and we put her in her favorite part of the yard near a pretty wild flower bush.
My mom, sister and sister's boyfriend were up visiting this past weekend as well. It was great to see them! And nice to get to know pip'em's boyfriend better. I miss them!
My princess turned 6 a week ago today! I'm still not use to the idea of being the mom to a six year old.
She was in her second stage performance the day of her birthday! She loves Drama Camp! She was the 6th goat, Bashful, and had to faint! She was adorable!
She had a wonderful birthday celebration Saturday night. We rented the pool for two hours for her and her friends.
She's getting to the age where I'm starting to be concerned about her friendships...some I'd like to foster, others could fall by the way side and that would be good as well.
Summer classes are kicking my tush...I'm so tired and we are covering so much material so quickly...but they will be over soon.
Then I get an entire week off! A week of NO school! And a week of no work as I took it off...I plan to read and swim, sleep, rinse, recycle, repeat.
As for the 101 I've gotten many of my tasks underway. But they days are clicking by fairly quickly already. I already have ideas for things to put on my next 101 list...
I started researching one of my tasks tonight. Skydiving...and realized I need to lose some weight first. The limit is 220 for the locations here in Iowa is 220. There's a place in Chattanooga that does 300...might be skydiving in Chattanooga instead.
And there, that's my current update...:)
Hmmm, getting that webaddress entered was more difficult than I imagined. I really should learn how to use this blog more effectively.
I'm exhausted but felt like updating so this will be random and stream of consciousness I'm sure.
Our dog passed away this past Sunday. She was an amazing dog...9 years old. Her name was Molly. She was my hubby's first roommate and he'd had her since she was a pup. She developed diabetes and went blind this past winter. We will miss her! But we are glad she's no longer sick. We're going to make her a pretty stepping stone for her marker and we put her in her favorite part of the yard near a pretty wild flower bush.
My mom, sister and sister's boyfriend were up visiting this past weekend as well. It was great to see them! And nice to get to know pip'em's boyfriend better. I miss them!
My princess turned 6 a week ago today! I'm still not use to the idea of being the mom to a six year old.
She was in her second stage performance the day of her birthday! She loves Drama Camp! She was the 6th goat, Bashful, and had to faint! She was adorable!
She had a wonderful birthday celebration Saturday night. We rented the pool for two hours for her and her friends.
She's getting to the age where I'm starting to be concerned about her friendships...some I'd like to foster, others could fall by the way side and that would be good as well.
Summer classes are kicking my tush...I'm so tired and we are covering so much material so quickly...but they will be over soon.
Then I get an entire week off! A week of NO school! And a week of no work as I took it off...I plan to read and swim, sleep, rinse, recycle, repeat.
As for the 101 I've gotten many of my tasks underway. But they days are clicking by fairly quickly already. I already have ideas for things to put on my next 101 list...
I started researching one of my tasks tonight. Skydiving...and realized I need to lose some weight first. The limit is 220 for the locations here in Iowa is 220. There's a place in Chattanooga that does 300...might be skydiving in Chattanooga instead.
And there, that's my current update...:)
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